Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
