Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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