This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
