would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who died my cat blue again?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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