I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
