Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
