I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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