Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
