It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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