I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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