he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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