what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
