A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
