I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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