Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
