Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
