Just fell off a train. Bad.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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