I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
COCAINE IS GR8
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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