guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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