would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
