but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
two words: eviction party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
