Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
