i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
