what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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