tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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