My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
