somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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