So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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