I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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