brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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