Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
