great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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