Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
