I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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