Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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