Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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