But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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