how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
