My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
