omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
