the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize