Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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