I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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