Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
