Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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