I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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