I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my poor anus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
