She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
