If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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