I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
