in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
