FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
