I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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