I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
