My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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