someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
