i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
