great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
