How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
