I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You dont lie about slip and slides
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
