The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
