my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
