his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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