FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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