Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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