Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
