Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
