Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
