Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
