wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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